I haven’t gone on a pissy rant in awhile, but I think it’s time. Well, actually this will be a pretty minor rant so I won’t need to change into my big boy pants. Wait, what? What does that even mean? No seriously, I have no idea. Sometimes weird shit comes out of my brain.

There are a lot of things that piss me off or at least mildly irk me on a weekly basis. And this time of year I get pretty irked by meteorologists. You know, the weather dorks.

These weather pricks go out of their way to over-hype every stupid change in the weather. Did you feel a rain drop or see a dark cloud on the horizon? Uh oh, you better get your ass in the basement! In the winter it’s no better. A snowflake is falling? Gas up your snow blower it’s the blizzard of the decade!

There is a local radio personality here that calls them weather terrorists because they “create” terror out of normal weather patterns. They do this strictly to produce ratings. If they can convince you that you need to watch the nightly news because the weather is going to turn ugly, they’ve done their part.

They’ll also break into programming to tell you that it’s going to be raining somewhere in their viewing area at some point in time in the not so near future. What the hell.

And then they use those annoying scrolling things at the bottom like they did here… this is a map of Minnesota:

As you can see by my fancy arrows, I tried to point out what’s going on here. There were storms in the far western edge of Minnesota and for some damn reason they had to tell us about it. Who the hell cares?!!?! There are only like 8 people living out there… and you know, all 8 of them probably already figured out it was raining. Here in the Minneapolis area it was a bright sunny day.

The storms on this radar are at least 200 miles away, and even a very fast moving storm wouldn’t get to Minneapolis for about three hours. Incidentally, it never even made it here. We didn’t see a drop of rain. But that didn’t matter to the weather assholes, they had to make sure we knew all about the shit going on 200 miles away.

And after we do get any kind of storm? They send the TV news crews out to report on the damage. So if you have a branch that fell in your yard, watch out. They could end up doing a live shot from your front step. Bastards.

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