WARNING… this post may disgust some people. It disgusts me.

I am just getting over being sick, basically for the last three or four days. Nothing too severe. No vomiting, no urgent duck-walk trips to the bathroom just barely avoiding making a mess in my pants, no severe cough that has kept me and everyone in my neighborhood awake at night. All of those symptoms can be a real pain in the ass, but I’ll say one thing about them:

I understand them.

When you have a stomach flu bug it’s not uncommon to get an upset stomach. And that results in unpleasant things coming out of both ends. Often at the least desirable times. When you have a cold a sore throat is common. It’s dry, it’s scratchy, often from coughing or maybe because of the coughing. It sucks, but I get it.

The symptom that’s been plaguing me is particularly annoying because it makes…. no…. sense. I’m talking about mucus. Specifically the kind that migrates it’s way out of your nose. I have no idea what this stuff is, where it comes from, how it’s made or what purpose it serves. All I know is that I can blow my nose about once every half hour and fill the tissue.

My nose should be sponsored by Puffs.

If someone would come up with a way to sell mucus, I’d be an instant millionaire. I was bitching about it on Sunday and my Lady Friend happened to be sitting at her computer. So she googled mucus and found it’s mostly made up of water.

She said that could be one reason you seem to be more thirsty when you’re sick – your body is draining all it’s liquid out through your nose.

She also made a comment about how people say you should drink lots of fluid when you are sick. But why the hell would I do that? To produce more mucus? Disgusting.

I have my own idea.

Next time I get sick I am not drinking a damn thing. Maybe a beer or some coffee here and there. No water, no juice. Screw that. Let me get dehydrated – it will save me some money not having to buy all that Kleenex.

Next time I get sick I am taking a stand against mucus, and not just for myself. I’m doing it for every one of you.

Wish me luck.

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