Do you ever have road rage? I am mostly a calm, cool and collected dude.. but I’ll admit, on a rare occasion, sometimes an asshole can get me a little hot under the collar while I am driving. The other day that is exactly what happened to me. I think I got the last “laugh” though… I’ll try to illustrate it here.

This was about 5:30pm at night and I was headed home from work on a four lane divided highway near my house. Traffic was moving along at what I would consider a pretty good pace for rush hour, probably about 50 miles an hour. I was in the left lane and was keeping up with the rest of traffic.

I noticed in my rear view mirror this tweaking ass hat who was moving back and forth from the left lane to the right trying to figure out a way to get in front of myself or the car next to me. Maybe he really, really had to pee…or was anxious to get home and play Xbox with his cat. All I know is that he wanted to get around us pretty badly.

I decided to ignore him. A half mile later the traffic in the lane next to me sped up a bit, so he zipped into that lane, went past me then cut quickly into my lane, missing the front of my SUV by maybe 2 feet. Then he proceeded to throw his middle finger in the air at me through his sunroof. Of course traffic in front of me was moving just as slowly as it was behind me so he was then stuck right there for the next mile or so, tailgating the poor sap in front of him. Way to go bud.

When we came to the next red stoplight there was an extra lane added to the right and he moved all the way over into it, while I stayed in the left. We were across from each other at this point and as I pull to a stop he glared at me as if I had done something wrong. Being the jackass I am I glared right back. It was a stare down between a Simpleton (me) and a simpleton (him). Note the LOWER CASE “s” for him. He was NOT one of us. He was a real schmuck.

Knowing this macho staring absurdity was going nowhere I decided this shithead needed to be put in his place. So I leaned forward and made a completely goofy face looking up, down and sideways. I then proceed to point at him and laugh with exaggerated hand and head motions like I was some kind of lunatic. He stopped staring, gave a quick wave as if waving me off, then turned to face forward… no doubt knowing he’d been beat. Or maybe he thought I was absolutely crazy and had just escaped from some mental ward.

Either way, I consider it a win.

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